How to save Pokemon


Hey Nintendo. Stop pissing off LP’s and the likes on YouTube and listen to me.


Want me to buy a Wii U? Reboot Pokemon.


I know you’re all in the corner of the internet, scoffing at the mere concept, but reboots are not evil. In fact, if done correctly (Tomb Raider, DmC: Devil May Cry (bollocks what you think Capcom)) can reinvigorate a series that had ended up stuck, spinning its wheels into the ground.


Nowhere are the wheels more firmly wedged than in the case of the over bloated carcass of Pikachu. Enough is enough, it’s time for a change.


It should have been obvious that the proverbial shark had been jumped when Pokemon Black & White 2 was announced back in 2012. From colours to jewels, back to colours, and finally an actual numerical sequel. What was Game Freak’s next big idea? Letters of course! How much of Pokemon X & Y will have to do with the sex-determination system remains to be seen. And while the move to 3D navigational environments is a step forward for the series, it could be argued such a transition should have happened during the last set of games at the LATEST.


And if concrete proof is needed that the series is beating a dead horse, I present to you: Trubbish.




Look at it.




Currently there are over 600 of the bastards and that number will no doubt have increased to over 700 by the time X & Y are released. The idea of trying to ‘catch them all’ was a great concept, one that has been used forever in toys, cards and other games since. It’s become a somewhat numbing affair since the first 150 though.


Every 6 months or so I find myself sucked back into Kanto or Johto, figuring out how many Pokemon I still need and heading off into the woods for huntin’ session. That was on the basis that I’m a completionist, and the end goal was actually feasible. Between the influx of the 28 Eevee evolutions, having to attach a flux capacitor during trades, and having to hold your Game Boy at a 34 degree angle while evolving a Poliwhirl; it’s just become a tad excessive.


So why not go back to basics?


Sure we’ve had Firered & Leafgreen, but we’ve also had a remake of Resident Evil, and that’s not stopping Capcom.


So reboot the whole thing. Take everything back to those first steps you had in Pallet Town, but now we can have it in sexy three dimensional HD, right?


Let’s go even crazier. In the original Red & Blue you used a pokeflute to wake up Snorlax. Well how about we include the option to purchase it as an IAP for £2.49, save you having to go through the hassle of obtaining the damn thing. Actually, how about we make it possible so you don’t even need to wake the fat bastard up, we’ll just pay another 3 quid to purchase him/her (is Snorlax asexual?).


The Pokemon Centre will still exist, but how about adding an option to heal your team on the spot for 99p?


You can have day one DLC expansion packs, meaning no more waiting for your friends to breed that Charmander for you!


Additional Master balls can be bought, a lack of Moon Stone’s is a thing of the past, an extra experience points can be bought, saving you spending hours slaving away for that level 70 Dragonite.


You’ll be able to reduce the playtime of Pokemon down to a few hours, giving you the chance to go outside and lead a real life. Hell, buy a dog and teach it to do backflips.


Eh.. second thoughts, keep sailing the same course Nintendo.


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